TINDER….

So apparently I just had a "move" put on me through Tinder and Facebook!

This is just plain creepy in my eyes.

So yes I have a Tinder account. Selfies and all. I've met a few guys on there in the last maybe 8 months. They have been nice and we have chatted and exchanged numbers long before we met up or have had friends in common. Even though nothing has quite worked out, I have been fortunate enough to not have any bad experiences… unless this counts.

So there is a guy on Tinder who has popped up quiet regularly and for some reason I keep swiping no. He's not ugly or weird, he doesn't have any fishing pics, FWD pics or a selfie with a tiger. trust me, there are far to many tigers on Tinder for my likings and they are not attractive.

There was just something about his photo that didn't appeal to me. So that's all good, no harm done.

Just the other day I received a fried request on Facebook from this random guy I've never heard of and with only one mutual friend, Its the guy from tinder! I questioned it. I sent him a message saying do I know you? His response was 'Oh sorry I thought I knew you but obviously not sorry!'

I checked the messages again and had missed the earlier one saying "Hey my tinder account is playing up so I thought we could chat through facebook"

Here's my concerns...

A: I have never had anything to do with you on tinder
B: How on earth did you find me on facebook with only my first name and a pic to go by
C: You are a freeky stalker and have creaked me out so even if I thought you were decent before... I certainly don't now!!!

So I text my friend, our one and only mutual facebook friend to get the low down. He said he works with him and hes okay. Apparently its the new move to get chicks chatting to you! Had we have already chatted on tinder this maybe would fly... maybe!

so he has got no response on tinder then stalked me on facebook and then lied about it all to get me to message him???

this dude must be hard up... amiright?

anyway! good lesson to learn, be very cautious  on social media! especially dating sites

Seeking Social Filter: Inquire Within

So my friends love vinyl, records for those of you that are unsure of the term vinyl.

We went to our local bar this arv whilst our two friends took over the decks and played our fav tracks. We listened, drank cider and sang along, LOUDLY!

I was so excited to go this arv that when waiting to be picked up from home I saw a car pull up at the house and assumed without much checking that it was the girls, I stepped out of the house down the driveway and as loud as possible i busted out a big "well hi there ladies!" waving my arm as though i was directing an aeroplane! It wasn't the! in fact I've no idea who it was. I mumbled something to the effect of oh sorry your not my friends which may have made it worse and scurried back inside.

It's similar to when someone is smiling and waving, you return the gesture only to find that it's not you they  are waving at but the person behind you. Cue red face. 

Ever since I was young people have intrigued me, I love people watching, humans are fascinating creatures right? I've had this bad habit longer than I can remember. I will be at the supermarket with someone, and people further along in the isle are either doing something weird or having a Barney (fight) etc, I am fixated on them while the person I'm with is perusing the contents of the shelf next to me, either the people are conscious of my attention or the commotion is over and I turn to the person next to me only to find with great dread, they are no longer there. Nope not in sight at all. Completely moved on. Which leads me to realise I have been standing there, alone, gawking at these poor people like I am Judge Judy doing her Friday night grocery shop and about to sentence them to counselling sessions for being poor human beings in society!

I am great at embarrassing myself! Saying the first thing that comes into mind and then having to try and back peddle to mend my social error. My friends say my brain doesn't have a filter. I wonder if I was born this way, or if it can be fixed! Then again, me with a filter would just be plain boring! No-one wants that now do we.

1am thoughts...

The things going through my brain right now, in no particular order…

• Tomorrow is Friday! Wait, it's already Friday, but in order for it to be Friday I must sleep after Thursday and wake up on Friday. It is still Friday now anyway.
• I must have a script filled tomorrow or I will die… okay that's an exaggeration.
• My cat is getting really fat, can cats go on a diet?
• I wish the wind would stop blowing the blind against the curtains.
• Is anyone even reading my blogs? Why is no one following my blog yet? 
• I have to get up at 6am… that's 5 hours sleep roughly if I go to sleep… NOW.
• If the big bang created the world… then who created the universe? who created the vast infinity of space in the first place?
• How excellent are iPhones, I love you iPhone!
• I really must mow the backyard tomorrow if it doesn't rain.
• Okay 4 hours and 48 minutes sleep, ready and sleep… NOW.
• Nope still awake.
•  I read about this breathing technique that puts you to sleep in ten seconds.. or was that makes you pass out? well… either way right?
• I should paint my room one day soon.
• What was that random bumping noise in the house which can surely only be explained as someone coming to murder and kill me!!! oh, it's just the cat!
• He really is fat.
• I wonder what my ex boyfriend is doing right now… sleeping I guess. 
• Stupid thought, who cares what he's doing the cheating bastard.
• hrmmmm I hope the next time I run into him I'm wearing that great new dress I bought the other day! It really does make my legs look good.
• I should go to that shop again and see if they have any cardies to go with it for autumn.
• What shoes would match?
• Shit, must make sure kids school shoes fit before next week.
• Uniform shop is open tomorrow, have to buy girls new shirts.
• Oh god, school. waking up making lunches and repeat again for 10 weeks.
• Seriously though, how greats sleeping in!
• 4 hours and 22 minutes… go to sleep!!!

This is how my brain taunts me at night, and why I am awake at 1 am. It may or may not be my ADHD. 

Go F*#& your self(ie)

What happened to the good old boy meets girl, boy asks girl out etc etc, we all know the way this goes. Is it okay to look at a persons picture, their 45 words or less description and decide on the spot if you will swipe left or right. Dating is hard, sometimes scary and sometimes awesome. Now it's reached a whole new level thanks to apps!

I don't think i'm ugly, i'm of reasonable height and try to look after my figure (Please note I said try, I can't help it if the couch swallows my bum somedays). I have reservations about myself as does everyone but how do you put your best foot photo forward without looking pretentious or trying to hard? 

I have that friend that is always, and I mean always, taking "selfies". I wonder what her mind says to her somedays… I'm on the couch, selfie, I'm waking the dog, selfie, I'm eating, selfie, my hair looks good in this light, selfie… selfie of her taking a selfie, and don't even get me started about the selfie stick!!  Somehow with all this selfieing, she always looks great. Me on the other hand, well… I don't have a clue as to how to take a selfie without looking sightly constipated. It takes skill to hold the camera phone backwards and find the button to press on the other side. I managed about ten 'constipated' shots before I realised I could use the front camera. I'm aware of my stupidity, it doesn't need to be said!

I took one sitting near the window thinking it would be a nice light, checking the photo I realise my neighbour chose exactly the same time to walk to his letterbox, in his bath robe and underwear. The robe was open.

Bedroom, it overlooks my back garden, no neighbours in sight. Do I sit on the bed or stand. Is it weird to be just standing in your bedroom? Is sitting on the bed implying more than I want it to?

This is becoming ridiculously harder than it should be.

Bathroom, no. Ive seen the chick that didn't flush before her selfie! Laundry, what was I even thinking, they are looking for a girlfriend not a maid. Kitchen, thats safe surely. So I finally got a selfie that is not great but it will do!

Now to figure out how to load the damn thing to the app.

Accidents are sometimes just accidents… Part III

This part of the story will seem faster than the others, partly because someone suggested  should reduce the see of my blogs but mostly because t went so fast from here.

Once aroused from his coma, Billy started to, I want to use the word improve but that would probably be somewhat misguiding, gain back his … life, for lack of a better term.

Mum was down at the cottage and the phone rang, dad said you better get up to Billy's room right now. Immediately thinking the worst after such a horrific past 5 weeks, mum dropped everything and bolted to the ICU. When she entered the room, Billy was sitting up in a chair!!! He looked over to her and said "Hi ma". The significance of this was not something that can be put into words. He was alive. Able to talk and sit up. He knew who she was.

I later that day received a phone call from dad asking if I wanted to speak to Billy. I was unsure of what to expect. The conversation was brief. It was also similar to talking on the phone with a hung child. I hung up and cried. The good sort of crying.

It seemed like every day Billy would improve further. He had to learn how to walk, talk, eat, and function as a human being once again. Like a sped up infant of sorts. It had been established that Billy hadn't sustained any permanent injury physically that was obvious. His brain was functioning and responding also. It was still a matter of time though to see if the developments would continue. He could progress only to a certain mental stage if the brain was injured.

Once moving about better, Billy was transferred to a rehab centre. It wasn't long after that he was sent home in the care of my parents. From here my parents did everything they possibly could to help him improve daily. Improve he did. He manned to secure his drivers licence, and within three months was heading back to the city to return to work. Now don't get me wrong, he wasn't anywhere near 100% but he was getting there. My parents moved with him to the city and dad would go to work with Billy everyday and help him with the manual parts of his job and also driving as Billy would tire easily. Within time there was simply no need for dad and I think he may have been sowing Billy down!

The doctors say he is a walking miracle. He was always different than everyone else growing up. Whether or not that is the key to his recovery or not who knows. Perhaps his brain works differently than others. Perhaps it just wasn't his time to go so to speak.

I am a believer to an extent that things happen for a reason, the reason isn't always as obvious as we would like or perhaps it's not for us but intended for someone else. A lot of people were involved and affected in different ways regarding Billy's accident. He has did not finch or have some life altering moment of clarity. He got back to his plan and got on with life. He is now a very high achiever in his field of work and is doing fabulous things. So perhaps we all went through this moment in our life in order for it to help someone else. Or sometimes, Accidents are just… accidents.

Accidents are sometimes just accidents. Part II

Recap: My brother Billy has had a car accident. Brain trauma as a result. He is in a coma and we have been by his side.

After 2 days of being at the hospital with Billy, my boyfriend has arrived to take me home. Billy is in I guess for lack of better term, like the news says, a serious but stable condition. I have to go back home to work. I am an advertising manager at a real estate company in town. Although my bosses were more than understanding, there is no one else to do my job so I must return home.

My mother and father are staying around the corner from the hospital at this point as we have absolutely no idea how long etc Billy will be there.  Leaving someone in this condition is a very hard thing to do. Even if it's to get a cup of coffee and fresh air. How do you know that the minute you leave something won't happen. He should have someone he knows with him when he wakes, what if he doesn't wake and, in fact, he passes away. Again, shouldn't we be there when this happens. Conflicting feelings really hurt.

Driving home in a car on the highway, away from your critically ill brother after he has just had a car accident was a very traumatic experience. The thoughts that enter your mind are not nice. I kept imagining the accident as I had formed it from the information we were given. I kept feeling his panic and then his pain, then my own pain as the emptiness inside my body couldn't be filled with any relief. He wasn't alright, and he certainly wasn't lucky to escape without injury. At this point, it was a matter of breathing when i needed to and attempting to function as each moment passed.

I called mum as soon as I waked in the door to let her know we had arrived safe. Because really, we didn't need a family discount of two patients in the same hospital did we! Billy is still as he was before I left. 

Days went by and nothing changed. The doctors began taking to my parents about different scenarios. He has had extreme swelling from the head trauma. His body had begun to swell. 

The next few weeks I cannot describe in detail or, perhaps not even in order. They were a blur and I felt so far away. My parents moved into one of the on site cottages for family that didn't live in town. They spent each day by Billy's side. As a result mum had to resign from her new job which was easy to do given the circumstances but heartbreaking as she was beginning a new career, a new chapter in her life and was loving it. Of course she has no regrets or ill feelings towards anyone in particular just anger at the cruelty of life and timing i guess.

What followed in the next few weeks may have been harder for my parents than the initial accident, although that would need to be clarified with them. Billy, still in a coma, needed a tracheotomy (the cut in your throat and a breathing pipe inserted), his brain still had serious swelling and the doctors began to talk about the strong likelihood of him being either brain dead or near vegetative state. In this position they had options, none of which you would call even mildly positive. 

Option one: Turn off the machines. Let him go, make peace with a very sick human who seems not to have a fair or easy road ahead of him let alone a future for them without involving a heavily cared for son.

Option two: A new method they were trialling at the time, without any data or statistical evidence that it even works. Go to surgery, remove a decent size of skull around his forehead area. This would allow more room for the brain that is swollen to expand reducing the pressure inside the brain at the moment. Outcome being, it would help the brain tea and the swelling would reduce… So they hoped.

Option three: Do nothing at this moment other than what is already being done. Continue to monitor him and wait and watch.

Before I give you the option they chose, picture them. Living by the side of their 24 year old sons bedside in ICU. 

Now if you have never been to an ICU (happy for those who say they have not) It isn't like a normal hospital room. It isn't like emergency. It is rooms with glass windows so that the patients can be monitored and visible at all times. You have a nurse that has one or  two patients depending on the care needed and the severity of the patient.  There are machines everywhere. It is not a happy place to be. People are either very ill or dying. The staff however are amazing and I can never express to them my gratitude and awe I have for them. 

This is the space they have lived in for weeks. They know the staff and the staff know them. This doesn't really help though does it as you don't get some miracle cure that they were keeping a secret for the people they like. It does help though to talk. My family are talkers, and are very good at it! 

Mum and dad, faced with their options, spoke to everyone they could to gather information and respected opinions but in the end what it came down to was; no one else can make this decision, it was entirely up to them alone.

Option 1 at this point was not an option. And I am very pleased that was the case. Option 2 was a tricky one. The concept was simple and in theory it made sense. Yet here is a guy that's had his head smashed and crushed and, who knew what damage was to come from it. Does it really make sense to make another big whole in his already fragile skull. Would it in fact even work? what if the brain continued to swell and more pressure arose from this, too much pressure. Perhaps the skull was still protecting the brain regardless of the pressure.

Option 3 at this point in time was the only one that made any sense. If Billy wasn't going to survive it wouldn't be because we either pulled the plug so to speak, or because we allowed doctors to knock more holes into his head than was already there. So that is what they decided. Option 3. More watching and more waiting.

At some point, as I said I am unsure of the time line of all this, Billy after lying on his back for so long, began to develop fluid on his lungs. The nurses would roll him and do what they could to try and remove it but when a man is flat on his back not moving at all there is only so much that can be done. As a result, he acquired an infection in the chest. The brain swelling and trauma all of a sudden become the secondary concern, this is now what was threatening his life. 

I can imagine what your thinking, really? like he needs that! And yes I distinctly remember some very unladylike words escaping my mouth at no one in particular.

I believe this was eventually cleared up after some very heavy steroids and anti biotics were given to him.  

We are roughly at around 4 weeks of being in a coma. I'm am 100% sure there are a million more things that went on and happened that even I wasn't told about, not for any other reason than the fact things changed so quickly. What was a problem in one hour may not have been a few hours later and so I tended to be told what was happening at that moment in time rather than a report of everything.

I am making an assumption here as I am not completely sure, but, it makes sense with an educated guess, that the swelling managed to reduce. It was time to try and wake Billy, Bring him out of his coma. Their wasn't any specific expectations nor was there reason to believe he wouldn't wake. 

Before I tell you this part I think as a side story, and for those of you who have certain beliefs, this is an interesting tale. My grandmother was very close with my brother. After our sea change, my brother hated our new town and new people. He also suffers from Tourettes like my father, and I personally believe their is a great possibility of asperges yet this has never been diagnosed nor has there been a need to. It does explain his character though. Billy doesn't like change, he is a creature of habit. A year after the big move he decided he would return to the city and live with our grandmother. Finishing school with his friends and going onto university there. So as you could easily conclude, my grandmother and him were extremely close. His accident took a very hard toll on her not unlike my parents. For some time my parents more so my father and I had been taking a strong interest in spirituality and the possibilities that go along with it. We attended weekly group meditation and made some great friends whilst gaining knowledge that seemed to make sense to us. 

A now family friend, but then more of an acquaintance of ours, was a soothe Sayer (tarot cards, photos, objects and crystals were her tools). My grandmother contacted her and sent through a recent photo of Billy. I'm unsure of what she was hoping to hear from this friend and although i have my beliefs, to me the beliefs lay more in the area of reincarnation and afterlife rather than tarot readings and star signs etc.

Anyhow, unbeknown to us at the time, my grandmother had a reading done from Billy's photo. Our friend was aware of the situation and was happy to oblige. The result was her friend and her seeing both the same thing from his picture. A smile and a thumbs up. 

When my grandmother phoned my parents and explained this to them, it hurt them. Badly. their response… Did she not understand the gravity of the situation. Our boy is so sick and we don't even know if he will survive let alone be fine! We don't need this right now, we need to focus on him and getting through each day. It was from there dismissed.

So as i was saying before, it was time to wake Billy. Of course I had been down and back a few times in this four week period to visit him but more than anything to see my parents. In my view, they were looking after him, I needed to look after them. 

Even though Billy was in a coma, it was medically induced further so that he wouldn't come in and out of arousal and to allow his body and brain to rest. In order to bring him out of the coma they explained they would reduce the medicine that was sedating him and assess him from there. This is certainly not like the movies, the patient does not flutter their eyes a few times and awaken with a smile on their face surrounded by 10 family members with way to much makeup and very high hair.

I wasn't at the hospital when this happened so I am telling you this part second hand yet it is from the mouths of mum and dad so it is reliable i assure you!

As the medicine was reduced, the nurse, (who incidentally was also named Billy, although he was very short in stature and my Billy is over 6 foot, so they were aptly and endearingly named Big Bill and little Bill) would come in and out of the room attempting to wake Big Bill.

He would rub and beat on his chest whilst yelling his name, as you would to someone you fear may be unconscious. This may sound brutal but there was some serious drugs in Billy's system and it would take that just to get a flinch.

Mum said it reminded her of trying to wake him when he was a teenager and it was lunchtime and he was still in bed. My own kids are not yet teenagers but I'm sure those of you who have teenagers can certainly relate. 

The first few times little Bill tried, big Bill murmured and sort of reacted like someone had woken him from a really good dream and he didn't want to open his eyes. This was positive. The next time after some more of the medicine had worn, Big Bill woke a little more and wait for it… raised his hand slightly and gave us a thumbs up!!! Yup, that just happened!

Now, take from that what you will. I can assure you our friend had never met Billy and Billy never was known for always giving a thumbs up. I am not saying this is evidence of anything or was it some Divine intervention. In fact what it was to us is probably private. and not something that needs to be focused on. All I can say is that it did give us hope. More than we had had the previous four weeks.

Accidents are sometimes just accidents. Part I

A friend of mine came of his motorcycle yesterday, was flown by helicopter to hospital. He is, fortunately, just a little bruised and battered.

My initial reaction to hearing of his accident made me sick to my toes. It brought back two memories. Both involving the rescue helicopter service.

I will start with the first as it ties in with the second.

I was childless at this point in my life and living in my parents house with my boyfriend as they had moved away for some time. He also had a house that was being rented to holiday goers. We decided that it was time to move back to his place, consequently leaving my parents making the decision of renting out there place. So began the massive clean up and pack up of there 4 bedroom, overly furnished, house.

There was a telephone system adapted into the house courtesy of my gadget/electronic/IT obsessed brother Billy. without elaborating, it was a very intricate system that only he could disable.

So the scene is as follows:

Dad is at the house packing up everything. Mum is 6 hours away in their new home as she has to work. Billy is to travel up and stay with dad at the house and fix the phones.

That day and evening I had been at the house helping dad pack, once I was home I was also receiving calls asking what could/couldn't be thrown out. I last spoke with dad around 9:30pm and Billy was due at the house around 11:30PM.

Funnily enough, we all had phone calls that afternoon from Billy which is not something that is a regular thing for he and I. However brief our conversation was, it was a nice one.

In bed fast asleep, my phone rang around 1am/ish. It was dad. I was thinking to myself, oh he's rung to ask about something and has no idea what the time is, thanks a lot dad!!!

To say my tone upon answering was abrupt, may be kind. The response I received from my father was the last thing i'd ever expected in my life.

A sullen yet anxious voice blurted down the line to me saying, "Billys been in an accident, we don't know whether he's going to live or die!"

Now let me interject for a moment and explain my father to you before you criticise his tactless demeanour. He is tactless!   But in a way that isn't intentional. He has Tourrette Syndrome, he is also a very matter of fact person. A spades a spade with him. He doesn't get upset or angry easily, he is a calm person with the kindest of hearts I've ever met. He just doesn't deal well with expressing emotions to people, particularly in situations such as these. I remember when my aunt suddenly passed away unexpectedly. he was minding my kids. I received a phone call and his words were. "the kids are okay but Judi is dead". I laugh now and so does he at his pure misconception of his manner. But this is my dad and thats the way he is.

So my first reaction to his words were obviously disbelief and after he repeated himself once or twice the impact of his words suddenly set in. He was going to pick me up from my place and we were to drive the 3 hours it took to get to the hospital Billy had been air lifted to.

As I hung up the phone, I tried to vomit, then I cried. My partner at this stage was awake with me and helping me to pack a bag. What do I pack? How long will I be there? Will he even be alive when we arrive? Holly crap, he might die. Again, try to vomit. Unsuccessful. I light a cigarette whilst I wait for dad. I'm pretty sure I'm now in shock. I know as soon as dad arrives i'll be fine as I am really great at being the strong one. The rock so to speak. Our family doesn't do weak and teary, never have. We band together and get on with things and help each other when one of a falls. Well Billy had fallen, Hard.

Once dad picked me up and we set off on our miserable journey praying that at no moment would that stupid phone ring, for if it stayed silent, then Billy was still alive. Dad explained what had happened to me as we drove down the empty dark highway. keeping our mouths talking meant our minds were busy and we weren't thinking the worst.

Dad had packed most of the house by that evening and he decided to have a rest on the couch whilst waiting for Billy. A knock at the door aroused him from his slumber, expecting Billy he was instead confused to find the police at the door. His heart sank immediately for police don't turn up at 12:30 at night bearing good news right?!

The police sat my father down and explained that Billy had been involved in a car accident. He was proceeding up the highway and coming around a bend, a huge tire from a dog trailer (on a truck) had come loose and was laying in the centre on the lane he was travelling in. The speed on the highway was 110 km/ph. As he saw the tire at the very last moment he tried to swerve around it but was unable to and clipped the edge of the tire. this sent his car into a roll around 5 or so times, the car proceeded to slide on its roof for some distance. There were cars travelling close by who stopped and attended the scene until emergency services could arrive. His head was smashed open and he was bleeding profusely. unconscious and unresponsive. At this stage all we knew was he had been airlifted to a major rural hospital with a very good neurology wing. Whilst we were traveling to him they were in surgery doing what they could to stop the bleeding.

All the while this was going on, my mother was stuck where she was till she could get the first flight to us which wouldn't leave till 6am. I am unaware of how she was able to sit and wait the way she did, alone, with little knowledge of how Billy was. Now being a mother myself I have even less of an idea how she managed to not loose control.

Finally after 3 hours (which felt like 10) we arrived at the hospital. We were directed to the ICU (Intensive care Unit). We were able to go straight to Billy. He had survived surgery and was still in a coma. His head was bandaged and he lay flat. He had plenty of tubes and wires attached as you can imagine. It was like a scene from a bad movie, only it wasn't a movie, it was my brother and he was in real trouble.

We spoke to the doctors and they confirmed that he had suffered some serious brain trauma not only from the gouges on his head but also from his head being thrown around in the accident.  I would like to point out at this stage as I feel it is the most important part of his survival… HE WAS WEARING HIS SEATBELT AND IT SAVED HIS LIFE!!!!!

The doctors had drained what blood they could from his brain and removed the glass and fragments of his skull. There was little more they could do at this stage except wait. The brain was swollen, his body was beaten and bruised and covered in minor scratches and cuts. He was in a coma and had a machine breathing for him.

By morning, my uncle and aunt had arrived and were with dad and I. Sitting in that ICU room by Billys side was not only agonising but painful. If you ignored the bandaged head and breathing apparatus, the tubes and beeping machines, he looked peaceful. Sleeping and content. But it couldn't be ignored could it.

By 8am or there a bouts my mum had arrived. this sounds ridiculous to say, but after being there with Billy for some time now, my father and I had already become accustom to the situation. Or so we thought. As mum arrived, it all sank in again fresh as knew. A parent, seeing there child helpless and fighting for his life, my parent, in tears and unable to do anything to protect her child, my brother.

As I said before. All we could do at this stage was sit around and wait. Take our turns being by his side and hoping he knew that we were there. Something I won't get into at this stage as it sparks a whole new debate and its off topic to my story at this point. Are people aware whilst in a coma? Are they with us or has their soul/spirit/conscious self (whatever you wish to call it) retreated from the body allowing it to rest? Perhaps I will revisit this in another blog or perhaps I won't.

Over the next 24 hours after discussions with doctors, police and witnesses, the story unfolded a little more with for us, a sign that gave us a little hope without realising at the time.

So, the accident as I described earlier is still accurate, what we hadn't been aware of at the time was the events immediately following the crash.

As the car came to a halt, on its roof. The drivers of the other cars stopped and immediately raced over in effort to help. The driver of lets say the first car behind Billy, happened to be a doctor. An airways specialist. As I said earlier, Billy was unconscious and bleeding profusely. This doctor was able to control the bleeding from his head by pulsing a main artery at his neck. This slowed the flow of blood yet at the same time, kept him alive.

Whilst the doc was doing this, driver of car number 2 was also by his side. Her partner worked at the hospital Billy would be flown to, in the emergency department. She jumped straight on the phone to him and between them they arranged for the Helicopter to attend the scene as well as ambulance crew. She stayed on the line by the doctors side until the emergency crews arrived.

The third driver, was a middle aged women. She had no partner to call that would be of assistance. She was not a doctor or anything that would be of any use medically. She did what a lot of people wouldn't, or couldn't do. She sat by Billy and held his hand. She spoke to him as if he were awake and could hear  her. She didn't let go off him until he was moved to the helicopter. Initially she was told by other onlookers not to go near the car. The guy inside was a mess and surely was dead. She to her credit, did not care and went over anyway. The paramedics had said to her at one point, he is in a coma, He cannot hear you or feel you holding his hand. This again did not deter her.
I'm not sure if I believe in angles, I am sure that I was overwhelmed with happy sadness that he wasn't alone in all the pain and confusion. There was someone with him for no other reason than to make sure he was not alone.

Still to this day I do not know who this women is and am unaware of her name. I think life has a funny way of giving back to the people that deserve it and I'm sure she has walked away from this selfless act, taking from the situation only something she will ever understand.

Life's Rich… I am NOT!

what on earth would you do if you won the lottery, or came into a large sum of money which found you in a very comfortable position??

I grew up in a nice house in a outer suburb of the city. a decent size home which my father had built with help from his brother and father. My father is a very intelligent man. He would be my phone a friend if the need every arrived. He was not however, at this point in his life, rich. My brother, Billy, and I never went without but we certainly didn't have everything we wanted.

We went to very good schools that cost as my mother would say 'an arm and a leg'. This for Billy, was a fortunate thing and he has excelled in life and is comfortable earning plenty and doing what he loves.
I am turning 33 this year and have only just started to figure my way in the world.

When i met my ex husband, he already owned a house. We had kids, sold and built a beautiful new house and then the GFC (Global Financial Crisis) hit and and we were forced to sell and downsize so our mortgage was affordable. Since this time, we have divorced each other and I am still living in that house after buying him out.

It's not flash, things are broken and old, but it's mine and my kids call it home as do I.
I felt that it was very important to stay at home with my children whilst they were young. I didn't try to have a career and raise a family. My ex is a tradie and made enough money that it supported this choice even if he didn't. My eldest is 9. That means I haven't had a full time job for nearly 10 years.

Money isn't something that is overly important to me. Its integral for survival unfortunately. So I am in a position that I am about to step back into the big bad world of employment in the next few months as I see the last of my little monsters shake his tail feather off to school. I am looking forward to finical independence as well as some emotional as well.

I once lived of two minute noodles for an entire week when I was at uni, I don't wish to do that ever again as appealing as the flavours were at the time!

First Impressions Count

Wow, where on earth do I begin?!

Life's busy right? But we can all testify to that, Ive yet to actually meet another person in this crazy world that has said "I am content and happy and exactly where I want to be with zero stress and zero things I would change, given a fairy godmother scenario."

We can look at things through many sets of eyes and i am the first to admit, I can be naive and jealous of others situations without knowing a damn ounce of information that may diminish the view I have of them.

With that being said… I am going to blog about my life, which is in my eyes, pretty great. I have loads of stress and dramas mixed with idiots that try to ruin my day but I continue to smile. Why? Because I can, so there!

Okay, I will give you a brief run down of my life,  a contents page if you will.

CHAPTER 1 ~ Born 1982, Ellie. Older Brother Billy, One father, One mother. There may have been a dog in their somewhere too but i am not 100% sure on this fact as I was only just born and resembled some alien like creature (it's true all babes are odd looking)

CHAPTER 2 ~ Primary School ~ an all girls private school, in a outer city suburb, till year 7

CHAPTER 3 ~ Sea change! Now living in a small coastal town, attending school that has BOYS!!!!!

CHAPTER 4 ~ Leaving school, returning to school, leaving school, moving to the city to chase my Designer dreams, moving home deflated, attending college, then university again, chasing the Designer dream, again moving home.

CHAPTER 5 ~ Worker as a Designer, turning 21 and living the party hard work hard lifestyle

CHAPTER 6 ~ Car crash and ICU with brain damage for my brother, then a sort of surprise pregnancy(for me not my brother obviously) and just when things start looking good again a loss of a granny

CHAPTER 7 ~ First comes love then comes… errrr a baby!!!!!!!!!!! Oh and a partner with a AVM (Anteriovenous Malformation ~ in layman's terms, A STROKE!)
Oh this is a fun chapter (Insert sarcasm)

CHAPTER 8 ~ Life after a baby and caring for a partner in recovery without work or family support… wait is there such a thing? Well yeah in my own way there definitely is!!

CHAPTER 9 ~ Boyfriend Shmoyfriend, Lets get married!!! (Great idea at the time, So I thought anyway!)

CHAPTER 10 ~ Honeymoon baby makes a family of 4!! Labour sucks and then just sucks some more.

CHAPTER 11 ~ new house, doesn't always make for a happy life, lazy husband who won't look for work, forced (decided it was easier for him) to work away with his brother

CHAPTER 12 ~ another baby will fix things right??? this will be a Cesarean after the unsuccessful nursing of baby 2. (this will also be a short chapter of fixing the marriage as it seemed)

CHAPTER 13 ~ Don't argue with a crazy person when they are the one calling you crazy! easy fixed, GET OUT OF MY HOUSE/LIFE!

CHAPTER 14 ~ 3 kids, aged 5, 3 and 1 years old, a 29 year old women armed with a powerful new found freedom… Come at me life!!!

CHAPTER 15 ~ Breast cancer is brutal, A mother that has never broken a bone and barely been sick a day in her life… cancer has no rhyme or reason… obviously.

CHAPTER 16 ~ Why hellloooooo their captain, Come fly with me, come fly come fly away! Love is grand once more! and a pilot to boot

CHAPTER 17 ~ things aren't always what they seem and kids are just plain weird

CHAPTER 18 ~ Dysfunctional Sphincter of Oddi. Nope its not my behind although its certainly a pain in one! In and out of hospital, Endone and Tramadole become part of my everyday life!

CHAPTER 19 ~ Heartbreak hurts, bad.

CHAPTER 20 ~ Sphinterotomy, bet you can't say you've had one of those?

CHAPTER 21 ~ Depression, Adult ADHD and Bipolar. Well I did say come at me life, I think you took this challenge out of context!

CHAPTER 22 ~ Dating… Tinder, Set ups, Plenty of fish, Meeting for a drink…. It's nothing like a Rom/Com! Waahhhhhhh


This is just a quick insight to my world, there is plenty of stories to come out of all this which I am going to generously share so you may laugh cry and make judgement of me from behind your own screen.
Please if there is any particular Chapter you wish me to write about, just ask! I am going to jump about rather than just post in order. I don't like doing things the way everyone expects. I will tell you the stories that relate to whats on my mind when I post.

Thanks for reading this far already!