Thursday, 22 January 2015

Go F*#& your self(ie)



What happened to the good old boy meets girl, boy asks girl out etc etc, we all know the way this goes. Is it okay to look at a persons picture, their 45 words or less description and decide on the spot if you will swipe left or right. Dating is hard, sometimes scary and sometimes awesome. Now it's reached a whole new level thanks to apps!

I don't think i'm ugly, i'm of reasonable height and try to look after my figure (Please note I said try, I can't help it if the couch swallows my bum somedays). I have reservations about myself as does everyone but how do you put your best foot photo forward without looking pretentious or trying to hard? 

I have that friend that is always, and I mean always, taking "selfies". I wonder what her mind says to her somedays… I'm on the couch, selfie, I'm waking the dog, selfie, I'm eating, selfie, my hair looks good in this light, selfie… selfie of her taking a selfie, and don't even get me started about the selfie stick!!  Somehow with all this selfieing, she always looks great. Me on the other hand, well… I don't have a clue as to how to take a selfie without looking sightly constipated. It takes skill to hold the camera phone backwards and find the button to press on the other side. I managed about ten 'constipated' shots before I realised I could use the front camera. I'm aware of my stupidity, it doesn't need to be said!

I took one sitting near the window thinking it would be a nice light, checking the photo I realise my neighbour chose exactly the same time to walk to his letterbox, in his bath robe and underwear. The robe was open.

Bedroom, it overlooks my back garden, no neighbours in sight. Do I sit on the bed or stand. Is it weird to be just standing in your bedroom? Is sitting on the bed implying more than I want it to?

This is becoming ridiculously harder than it should be.

Bathroom, no. Ive seen the chick that didn't flush before her selfie! Laundry, what was I even thinking, they are looking for a girlfriend not a maid. Kitchen, thats safe surely. So I finally got a selfie that is not great but it will do!

Now to figure out how to load the damn thing to the app.






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