I have briefly written about my ex husbands stroke already. I think i'd like to tell you the story in depth now.
It was a usual morning for John and I. He works as a wall and floor tiler, that means he's up and off to work by 6:30 am. The usual kiss me goodbye while i'm asleep. I'm about 32 weeks pregnant, I have no need to get out of bed this early. So around 9 o'clock I heave my belly out of bed. I have this great idea that I should get some exercise (crazy I know) so I decide to go for a walk around the block. This is before the days of iPhones so I had no need to take my brick of a phone with me and left it.
By the time i wander back from my energetic stroll, I have 7 missed calls on my phone from my mother in law. I immediately called her and she said John is at the local doctors and isn't able to walk or something, she wasn't quite sure what was going on and was heading there now. I jumped in the car with her and we drove to the doc about 15 minutes away.
John had been working at a house about 300 metres up the road from their doctor who was also a family friend. His brother who walked with him had dropped him to the doc as he was feeling really unwell. at the time his bro dropped him he felt nauseous and off balance but that was about it so he went back to work.
When Johns mother and I arrived there was an ambulance out the front. This was concerning to say the least. As we entered the practise, they knew who we were and took us straight to where john was with the ambo's.
Still without a cue what was happening, I got to the doorway to find John laying on his side on the stretcher vomiting, All of a sudden his right arm flopped hard beside his body without his control. At this sight I burst into tears and backed away from the door. It wasn't a moment later that they wheeled him to the ambulance. One of the ambo's pulled me aside and questioned whether John had taken any drugs to my knowledge. My answer was no. We had dabbled in things here and there in the past but it was most certainly not something he would have done.
The ambulance was off and his mother and I were left surmising what on earth could be wrong as we drove back home. We were saying to each other that he must have pinched a nerve and would be in hospital at least the weekend so I went home to grab an overnight bag for him and would meet her at the hospital.
We arrived at the emergency department and in that short time, John had lost all control of the right side of his body. He was still awake yet quite aggressive and confused about where he was and why. By this stage his father and brother had arrived. We were all by his bed when the doctor came to see us with the most devastating news. John was having a stroke. A very large and severe stroke. John was still very unsettled, I was told to move to his right side so that he didn't accidentally lash out and hit my belly. It was so scary seeing him like this. He couldn't be reasoned with or settled. The doctor had said he'd passed his other patients onto different doctors and John was his main priority. He was doing everything he could do find a bed in a major city hospital as there was no neurological ward or surgeons here and John needed immediate medical attention or he would die.
Within around 15 minutes John had simmered down and (what we thought) had fallen asleep. When the doc came to check we were relieved and said he's settled down and sleeping. No actually, We were dead wrong. He had slipped into a coma. We had to leave the ER while they induced him further so that they could control the coma and insert breathing tubes etc. Now we waited.. 5/6 hours in fact until they could find a hospital with a bed.
In the meantime, my parents lived in the city and I had called them early on when I still thought john had just pinched a nerve (How wrong I was). Without alarming me, they realised that something serious was happening and I would need some support so they had began driving up the coast to me (around a 5 hour trip). When we received the diagnosis of the stroke I had called mum and dad who were nearly at the closest town with a major hospital. I said don't drive any further as he will either be sent there or to the city so they would either meet us there or turn back to the city.
As I said after around 5/6 hours later, time kinda of stood still as you could imagine, they had a bed. It was in the hospital mum and dad had stopped. around 3 hours drive away. The same hospital my brother had been in after his accident. John was prepared to be airlifted and we would follow by car.
We had to say our goodbyes as the helicopter had arrived and he was ready to go. This could of been the last time I saw him alive. No one knew the damage the bleed had caused or the rate it was bleeding into his brain. His parents are not very good at showing physical emotion. They patted his arm and said see you soon mate. (I understand they were very upset but wouldn't you want to kiss your child goodbye knowing it may be the last time you may ever get to!). I kissed his forehead told him how much baby and I loved hi. I said you are going to be okay, you are strong and we will get through this together. I will seen you so very soon.
I walked with the him to a certain point at the helicopter pad until i wasn't allowed any further. I went to my car and sat and watched it take off. I was in shock and couldn't even cry. I was repeatedly saying out loud to none in particular as I was alone, "I can't do this again, please please, not again"
It was all to familiar, the helicopter, a brain injury, death so close and almost imminent.
It felt like my brother all over again and only 9 months later.
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